Your Enneagram type in relationships

This section describes common attributes and dynamics between all of the Enneagram types, based on fundamental preoccupations that underlie each type. Much of the material about interactions between the types is drawn from Helen Palmer’s outstanding book, The Enneagram in Love and Work. This useful book offers detailed descriptions of interactions in both intimate and work relationships.

Registered? Explore these dynamics and discover the path to fulfilling relationships using the Relationships Matrix™, which allows you to navigate among type pairs.

View sample relationship pairing: Type 1 and Type 2

Definitions in type pairings

Shared attributes – strengths and hindrances: The attributes or qualities the two types share that either help or hinder building a relationship that flourishes.

Differing attributes – strengths and hindrances: The distinct or different attributes or qualities of each type that either help or hinder building a relationship that flourishes.

Synergies and challenges/conflicts: The complementary or synergistic elements typically present in the two types that help sustain the relationship, followed by the conflicting attributes that can create the main sources of conflict, points of disagreement and challenges. Conflicts often arise because each type has a different perception of what is needed for survival and satisfaction. Sometimes the conflicting attributes represent “too much” of otherwise positive qualities. Conflicts can arise when each person attempts to make the other realize what needs to change. These efforts often take the form of accusation or blame, even if subtle, and frequently have a repetitive quality.

Relationship development:

• What to acknowledge about self. What do you need to take responsibility for that contributes to difficulty and distress in the relationship?
• What to appreciate about the other. What attributes of each other do each of you need to appreciate and support?
• Key tasks for building and sustaining relationship. What do each of you need to start or stop doing, work on or accept to improve the relationship and enhance satisfaction?

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