Type 2: The Giver

As a Giver, the pride of fulfilling others’ needs is a survival strategy that you believe will assure love and approval. This strategy manifests itself through the instinctual subtypes, which serve to compensate for the loss of the original state of giving and receiving freely. You know best what others need or desire even before they know it themselves. It is reassuring to be indispensable even though it feels like a burden.

Self-preservation: Privilege

You assure your survival indirectly through earning privilege by meeting the needs of others in your life, especially important others. Being personable, nurturing and supportive of others helps create a sense of entitlement. Your pride manifests as a sense that you deserve to have your needs met: “I’ve given so much. It’s my turn to have my thirst quenched.” You deserve a special seat, nice clothes, attention and to go first. You can get upset or emotional, when “they” haven’t honored you or given you preferential treatment. In this way you protect your position as a selfless giver while assuring that your own needs get met. At your worst, however, you can become preoccupied with and demanding of what you believe you need for nurturance and personal survival, such as being taken care of, attended to or put first.

Social: Ambition

Your pride manifests itself in the social arena by giving to those in position or power, thus assuring prominence, even indispensability in the special group, family or organization. You manifest your ambition and desire for distinction indirectly through your indispensability and attachment to visible social accomplishments and linking people and groups together. You gain stature and a positive public image through your alliances and alignment with mentors, authorities and leaders. You gain prominence through helper roles in visible social groups, work or causes. Or you become the hub of the family. In all these settings you look after the group’s well-being, which bolsters your feeling lovable and hence worthy. At your worst, however, you can disparage and/or simply reject others’ inputs and contributions, believing that only you know what is really needed.

One-to-One: Seduction/aggression

Here you manifest pride by being personally needed, attuned to the other and empathetic. You feel that you can meet the needs and desires of a special other better than anyone else, thus gaining approval. You seduce by matching to the feeling tones in others and altering subtly to your desired other’s emotional state. You seek attention and affection by giving what is needed and being flattering to the noteworthy other, thus putting yourself in a place of prominence. Using your active energy assertively or aggressively, you captivate and capture the special other by taking on his/her interests, making him/her feel good, and matching exquisitely to what is required to “win the other one.” At your worst, you paradoxically become possessive and demand indirectly through emotion or by complaining about your unfulfilled needs and desires.

Instinctual subtype descriptions: