The Basic Proposition

You lost sight of the fundamental principle that everyone’s needs are equally and freely met. You came to believe instead that you must give to get, and to be loved, you must be needed. So you learned to fulfill your personal needs by being needed and by giving others what they want or need, with the hope that they would do the same for you. At the same time, you developed feelings of pride in being indispensable. Your attention naturally goes to others’ needs and desires.

The central issue for healing

Twos must reclaim their freedom from the tyranny of a need-driven world that only approves of them, and loves them, if they fulfill the needs of others. Developing a separate self, then, becomes a difficult proposition. Since others’ needs and desires are endless, Givers never gain a sense of their own freedom from trying to fulfill them.

To gain freedom you must learn to give what is needed and no more, pay attention to your own needs, and receive from others. You must come to realize that, ultimately, your needs are met by a greater or universal will and that your self-worth does not depend upon being the agent of others’ fulfillment. Then you can give with the pure joy of giving for its own sake, freely and lovingly.

Six healing and growth commitments for Givers:

• Develop and maintain a separate, integrated self
• Practice releasing the pride of feeling indispensible
• Freely give and receive without pride and expectations
• Notice signs of your own repressed needs, paying special attention to any rising emotions as indicators than your needs aren’t being met
• Balance the active force that goes out to others’ needs with the receptive force that allows your needs to be met
• Spend time alone to develop your own interests and a sense of separate self

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Key themes of all types: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

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